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[SaturdayJune 2nd, 2007] I want you to remember Beringer Cabernet Savignon 2002. Remember it. I want you to remember the wind and sun on Saturday afternoons. I want you to remember bike rides through the town and being completely obsessed with exercise and being in PERFECT shape. I want you to remember being beautiful and feeling like the most exotic creature in the universe. CMNT

[TuesdayMay 29th, 2007] Today was filled with thoughts. From the moment I arose until now, and most probablly until I drift into the world of dreams I am thinking. Eternally contemplating. The great gift, the miraculous burden of mankind- contemplation. I ran for an hour today. I completely neglected my routine, I completely destroyed my daily rhythmn. I fell into the sun, and ran, ran, ran. I made myself a goal last year, I promised myself that I would be able to jog past the school to center street and back without stopping. Well, I did that, AND... I didn't run out of breath, I didn't really sweat, and I was not tired in the least. I felt like I could go on forever. And I got the biggest runner's high that I've ever gotten in my life and it felt very good. VERY good. Very real, more high than any high I've had in the past. There are so many things that I've been thinking of today. It's a shame I don't remember what I thought about towards the end of my run, I remember it blew me away. I purposely did not write it down. Things like that need to flow through you like rain, not be stuck on a paper. They have to be free. Moments that we try to hold onto, that we unintentionally squeeze in our frenzied grip; they lose their beauty, they lose their purity, they lose their essence, and simply become crude shadows of their former glory. This is a very base version of what I thought of as I listened to the ocean's advice yesterday. I thought today about Artistotle's theory of "means to ends"... Would you go through slightly less than an infinite amount of means to produce a milisecond of end? What is the mean worth, you ask... What is the end worth, you ask.... And what if I told you, It doesn't matter. Would you understand me? Or would you think I am brushing you off, because I don't mean that it "doesn't matter" in a small way. I mean it in the largest possible way. Life, in this way, AGAIN, is reflected in balance. Sometimes I find that I have figured out the perfect way to live, and then I realize how much I don't want to live that way. And so, perfection is imperfect, and balance is unbalance, and opposite make a whole, and I have come full circle. CMNT

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